For all calvinists or those of the reformed faith: I'm not here to bicker with you......?

but I've been grappling with this whole issue, and i need some honesty. Was it a struggle for you to go from thinking God wishes everyone would turn to Him to believing He created some predestined for Hell? Does this God still seems just as loveable. If it makes you feel more special because God happened to choose you and predestine most others to hell apart from anything they did or didn't do beforehand to deserve it, is this really a godly attitude? Is this loving your neighbor as yourself? do you not think this might come from a bad place within your soul rather than a good place? I know God's ways are above our ways, but our sense of goodness and justice does come from Him and should give us some sense of His character. I recognize places in scripture where I can't understand why He does some things because of my limited understanding, but to create a being and predestine it to be tortured forever arbritrarily just seems wrong from beginning to end.